He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
