just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
