she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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