I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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