i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
