Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
