Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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