Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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