Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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