I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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