So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
