Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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