checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
FUCK WHALES
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
