im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
