we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
