HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
