If i come over, it means nothing
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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