So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
