Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
