from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
