hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
