i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The Olympian is in my bed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
