Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
