The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
