I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
