He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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