UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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