you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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