i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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