How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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