Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
