you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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