I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
