man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize