i just google imaged poop.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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