nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
