i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
