All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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