After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
