I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
