The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
