she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
