Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
