So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
