I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
