you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
