Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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