Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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