He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize