So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
