i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
