I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
