Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
