The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
