please come you make the beer taste better
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
