When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We named our party play list daddy issues
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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