Can Purell be used as lube?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize