You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
