i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
