Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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