Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
