And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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