I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
