Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
