Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
