Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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