turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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