Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So many bounce houses so little time
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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