I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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