chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
